Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
