walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
