his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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