Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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