I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
