My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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