Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
