i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
