and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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