After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
