i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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