They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just puked most of my soul out..
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