it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
