Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
