I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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