watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
