Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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