All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
