your parents love me but you hate me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I deserve this hangover.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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