My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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