Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
