Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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