god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
