There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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