I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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