Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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