if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
