When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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