Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she looked like the before picture.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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