i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
