well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
