thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
