I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
