You work out of a Hotel?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
