he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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