I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
