I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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