cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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