omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
