he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
