first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
