I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
there is glitter all over my balls
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
