oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
