Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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