holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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