I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
