she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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