Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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