i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
