I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
