By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
