Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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