So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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