I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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