Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
