Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
