The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
