Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
