My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
