What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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