What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
