My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
