He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
