Plan B is the new Plan A
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
