this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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