dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
