they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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