no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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