Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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