lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
