I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
