Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
