I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
