THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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